it's just dark here..

FigurativeLy.

My LOLO died yesterday.

EarLier this week, my mOther texted that everybOdy was Laying Out sOme pLans fOr a get-together since granpOp's birthday is On january 27 and it's been traditiOn. The way i gOt the message when my mOther texted in came thrOugh Like buLLets tO me - because i just dOn't know. 'Twas weird. The kind Of feeLing that's getting in tO me when i knOw sOmething bad wiLL happen. That was why.

Yesterday, everybOdy was just trying tO caLL and have cOntact with me but I Left my phOne in my dOrm and it was untiL 4pm that I found Out that he's.. weLL, gOne.

When i Left Last year, i remember him just spending the whOLe day sitting On that favOrite chair Of his facing the teLevisiOn; muscLes frOze in aLL the Left part Of his face; can bareLy Open his mouth tO get any fOOd/Liquid in; he OnLy gets tO have a LiL strOLL Outside the hOuse and the memory Of him Lifting his Left hand up tO give me a highfive everytime I visit him is just tOO fresh Of a memOry fOr me fOLLOwed by that cLassic smiLe [tO what i caLL it] that cOuLd warm a granddaughter's sOuL. He was aLways restLess and hyperactive and enthusiastic and as far as I cOuLd remember, my favOrite part being with him [especiaLLy when I was being reprimanded at home] is the way he Laughs in DOLphy's funny tactics in his tv shOws. He just kinda burst Out a crazy Laugh aLthOugh I have nO cLue as tO what was funny abOut it. I LOOk at him and just eventuaLLy made me Laugh tOO. I wOn't fOrget the tattOO that he aLways brag abOut - tO my knOwLedge it's On the Left side Of his chest, i beLieve it's a crucifixiOn tattOO and that LittLe marbLe-Like thing On his kneebOne. The stOries that were passed On by my father, grandma, aunts and uncLes abOut his Once being a herO [in his Own right] when the revOLutiOn brOke Out and hOw he gaLLantLy fOught and escaped frOm the capture Of the Japanese sOLdiers. And it makes me smiLe that everytime I jOin them in their dining tabLe especiaLLy during dinner - LOLa wiLL aLways give him the sOft parts Of whether it's chicken, fish Or pOrk. Hahaha! because he dOesn't have teeth anymOre. That's why i'm aLways amused everytime he Lets Out a smiLe. I wOnder why LOLa didn't get him faLse teeth - he might have kinda get used tO it Over the years. But he's the mOst handsOme LOLO in the wOrLd.

Dead. FLat. LifeLess. BasicaLLy NOT the image Of my LOLO that's fOrever etched in my brain.

When i read aLL Of the text messages frOm my phOne One after the Other, i was hOping that the next One wiLL be different, hOping that it was a big jOke pLayed On me because he can't just wait tO see me, that he misses me sO much, One Of his "favOrite apO", and that he was aLive!

They're aLL but One message.


=(


I'm in the Office right nOw. Right here in my statiOn. SettLing my emOtiOns and gathering my thOughts fOr this bLOg. I was Late fOr wOrk tOday because I had tO grace a 5Oth GOLden JubiLee ceLebratiOn Of Our Lady Of Sacred Heart SchOOL in GaLas QuezOn City. I rendered a sOng and judged the battLe Of the bands. It was nOt easy Last night, I knOw the extent Of my interest fOr music but Last night was just heLL. I was trying tO LOOk sO cOOL and reLaxed and struggLing tO Let Out a smiLe tO everyOne in the audience knOwing that in my heart - i'm empty.

I hate this. I have my shades On tO have my eyes cOvered yet tears keep faLLing frOm it.

I aLready purchased my pLane tickets tO gO hOme tO see everybOdy On march 3.


GOD, it cOuLd have OnLy been a mOnth away.



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9:18am Manila time
Thursday, January 29,2009